In an unnoticed announcement and what will probably be his last executive decision before being asked to leave IPL over the Twitteroor controversy, Lalit Modi has decreed that anyone watching IPL matches at home on a TV screen size of more than 21” or with a crowd of 4 or more will have to pay “Domestic Display Tax” aka DDT. Modeled after Music industry’s similar fees for playing music in public, this seeks to boost the revenues for IPL and the franchisees.
This move came after IPL Franchise owners complained of declining attendance at stadiums and consequently reduced incomes from ticket and allied sales. A Liquor baron who owns a team complained “I have spent crores of rupees and hundreds of hours to personally select cheerleaders, so that I can draw in more people to the stadium and fleece them with overpriced lousy seats, lousier food and fizzless fizzy drinks”.
Sick of this fleecing, some people have decided to take matters in to their own hands and throw IPL parties at home. Reasoned Ramesh Kalra who throws and attends 3-4 IPL parties a week “I get to watch the match in the air-conditioned comfort of my or a friend’s home on a 52” flatscreen TV.” He also complained about the price of food “I can get a plate of Chilli Chicken for 70 bucks from my neighbourhood thela wala and a 2L bottle of Coke for 50 bucks while the prices at a IPL match are 4 times this.’
A member of the hoi polloi (of Jessica Lal murder venue fame), said "For the outrageous price of the box seats filled with bureaucrats and politicians I can buy a 42in flatscreen TV. And if I were to go with Family, I could through in a 3D TV along with a Bose home theater and it would still be cheaper to watch it at home"
To halt this loss of revenue DDT has been imposed. DDT mandates that anyone with a qualifying TV size or gathering size will have to pay a DDT of Rs. 100 per person per match. There is a discounted rate of Rs. 90 for Senior Citizens over the age of 85 and children below the age to 2. Justifying the DDT, IPL commissioner said “We have been very generous with the exemptions. Everyone knows that you can enjoy a match on a 15in TV screen. So we have been generous and exempted screen sizes upto 21in”. Added his assistant (step-daughter of the aforementioned liquor baron), “In India the family size in cities is around 3. Any more number of people than this means that people are enjoying the match in too large a number than that is permitted.”
Keeping up with emerging technology trends DDT is also applicable on the estimated 36 HD projectors that people have installed at their home at a site license of Rs. 5,000 per match.
On being questioned on how will DDT be enforced. Mr. Modi said he expects people to be honest and pay up on their own. But he also boasted of political connections in the agriculture and civil aviation ministries along with a chief minister, and claimed that the state law and order machinery will be pressed into service. “We will have informers around liquor vends and food joints that do home delivery who will tell us about people who are ordering large quantities of food and liquor. We will follow these people home and listen for noises of the match.” he added gleefully.
We will also have incentives for people to rat on their friends and colleagues and IPL will pay such people a bounty of 20% of all recoveries.
On reading this news, people like Ramesh Athavale from Mumbai were found grumbling at some news and blog sites and vowed not to watch the IPL finals this year.
With inputs from Agencies
PS: In case you folks didn't get it. This is a piece of satire.
PS: In case you folks didn't get it. This is a piece of satire.
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